Outside the cars are beeping out a song, just in your honor.

Once again, I have forgotten all about my blog for over a month and now feel inspired to write in here. There seems to be a pattern forming here methinks...

Anyway, lets have a catch up. Things that have happened since my last blog;

• Don't Stop Believing - one of the greatest and most memorable experiences I think I will ever have. 4 days, spent watching some of the most amazing and inspiring people do what they were born to do; perform. 4 days, spent with the people I loved before the show, and the people I didn't know as well before but have now gained a valuable friendship with. 4 days of tiring myself silly, to show the public, my family and friends, and myself, that I can do something worthwhile that will make them bloody proud to know me. Overall, a life-changing experience that I will never, in a million years, forget.
• Results - Not so great. However, if I look back honestly, I didn't try as hard as I could have. In fact, I didn't really try at all. I'm not sure why...I've never really had to work hard before last year I don't think, and I've always just had everything handed to me on a plate, so the workload was completely overwhelming. It probably also didn't help that at the start of the year awful things happened that made me grow up fast. In fact, if I look back over the last year, its been absolutely fucking awful. But, either way I'm sort of grateful for that fact it was that bad, because it made me grow up. So I assume all of that had some sort of affect on my grades. However, there's no point in looking at the past negatively; the year hasn't been a complete waste because now I know what I need to do, to get what I know I can achieve.
• Holidays - Overall, the holidays were fun. Caught up with some very beautiful people who seemed to slip out of my friendship net for some reason. Even though this happened, it's lovely to be able to say that these people never really left my life; these are the friends that will always be there for me, and no matter how long its been since we last spoke, if something terrible happens to me or them, I can safely say we will be there for eachother, and it is these friendships that I've found are often the strongest.

I think thats the general gist of everything really! Back to whats actually on my mind...

So the past few days have been an eye opener; I'm not sure whether to believe the last 9 months have been a total lie, or whether I should just accept these things and move on. I know nobody has a fucking clue what I'm talking about here, so if you're reading this and worrying, then please don't. Either way, whether I choose to accept these things or not, it has completely changed our relationship...I hope for the better. I just find it's a bit of a kick in the teeth really; throughout I have been as honest and truthful as I can, and have given her plenty of chances to tell me anything that has been on her mind. Only now has she actually told me. I can understand why though. I've been in the same sort of position, as has probably everyone as we're all human, but it doesn't make it any better. I sometimes feel that she is somewhat younger than me, even though she is over two months older.  She tends to be a little more immature than I'd expect at times. I say all this as if it's the worst thing ever, but it's really not. Everyone has flaws, and regardless of those, I love her dearly and wouldn't change anything about her. I'm just a bit worried that my image of her has changed, and that this will affect us. The fact is, I love her, which kind of answers my question...I guess I have to accept the things she's said. The last nine months may have been a lie, but if I want the relationship to work, which I do, then I can't just give it all up and hope I find someone else. I have to work at it. It's been an odd 9 months, but i've shared some of the best memories with Emily, and she means the world to me...and we've had to work at our relationship throughout anyway. I guess i'll just have to work harder to keep her in my life now, because I don't know what I would do if I lost her.

I hope that you weren't too bored reading this, but sometimes, things just have to be said.
Even though it's only been nine months, I really do believe I love the girl, but I'm not in love with her anymore. It's comfortable, like a married couple. I think I need to share a quote to explain this...

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconcievable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards eachother underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
- St Augustine

I like that this is how I feel, it confirms that what I'm feeling is okay. On the whole, I'm comfortable and happy, and luckily thats all I've ever wanted from a relationship.